Mostrando resultados 1 a 9 de 9
  1. #1
    Entró a Lé Foro desde
    agosto-2006
    Babosadas escritas
    30,684
    Blog Entries
    2


    +1 Galleta |

    Deldos Stiv Martin y las 72 virgenes

    http://www.newyorker.com/shouts/cont..._shouts_martin

    SEVENTY-TWO VIRGINS
    by STEVE MARTIN
    Issue of 2007-01-29
    Posted 2007-01-22


    Virgin No. 1: Yuck.

    Virgin No. 2: Ick.

    Virgin No. 3: Ew.

    Virgin No. 4: Ow.

    Virgin No. 5: Do you like cats? I have fourteen!

    Virgin No. 6: I’m Becky. I’ll be legal in two years.

    Virgin No. 7: Here, I’ll just pull down your zipper. Oh, sorry!

    Virgin No. 8: Can we cuddle first?

    Virgin No. 9: It was a garlic-and-onion pizza. Why?

    Virgin No. 10: . . . so I see Heath, and he goes, “Like, what are you doing here?,” and I go, “I’m hangin’ out,” so he goes, “Like, what?” . . .

    Virgin No. 11: First you’re going to have to show me an up-to-date health certificate.

    Virgin No. 12: Hurry! My parents are due home!

    Virgin No. 13: Do you want the regular or the special?

    Virgin No. 14: I’m eighty-four. So what?

    Virgin No. 15: Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

    Virgin No. 16: Even I know that’s tiny.

    Virgin No. 17: “Do it”? Meaning what?

    Virgin No. 18: I’m saving myself for Jesus.

    Virgin No. 19: Somewhere on my body I have hidden a buffalo nickel.

    Virgin No. 20: Don’t touch my hair!

    Virgin No. 21: I hope you’re not going to sleep with me and then go sleep with seventy-one others.

    Virgin No. 22: Do you mind if we listen to Mannheim Steamroller?

    Virgin No. 23: Are you O.K. with the dog on the bed?

    Virgin No. 24: Would you mind saying, “Could I see you in my office, Miss Witherspoon?”?

    Virgin No. 25: Ride me! Ride me, Lucky Buck!

    Virgin No. 26: You like your vanilla hot?

    Virgin No. 27: Does Ookums like Snookums?

    Virgin No. 28: It’s so romantic here, dead.

    Virgin No. 29: Well, I’m a virgin, but my hand isn’t.

    Virgin No. 30: You are in?

    Virgin No. 31: Hi, cowboy. I just rode down from Brokeback Mountain.

    Virgin No. 32: I’m a virgin because I’m so ugly.

    Virgin No. 33: You like-ee?

    Virgin No. 34: I’ll betcha you can’t get an erection. Go on, impress me. C’mon, show me. Show me, big shot.

    Virgin No. 35: By the way, here in Heaven “virgin” has a slightly different meaning. It means “chatty.”

    Virgin No. 36: Sure, I like you, but as a friend.

    Virgin No. 37: No kissing. I save that for my boyfriend.

    Virgin No. 38: I’m Zania, from the planet Xeron. My vagina is on my foot.

    Virgin No. 39: It’s a lesion, and, no, I don’t know what kind.

    Virgin No. 40: I’m Jewish. Why do you ask?

    Virgin No. 41: Hi, I’m Becky. Oh, whoops—you again.

    Virgin No. 42: I just love camping! Camping is so great! Can we go camping sometime?

    Virgin No. 43: In the spirit of full disclosure, I’m a single mom.

    Virgin No. 44: You like my breasts? They were my graduation gift.

    Virgin No. 45: When you’re done, you should really check out how cool this ceiling is.

    Virgin No. 46: I’m almost there. Just another couple of hours.

    Virgin No. 47: Get your own beer, you nitwit.

    Virgin No. 48: No, you’ve got it wrong. We’re in the Paradise Casino.

    Virgin No. 49: I really enjoyed that. Thank you very much. Gee, it’s late.

    Virgin No. 50: You make me feel like a real woman. And after this is over I’m going to find one.

    Virgin No. 51: What do you mean, “move a little”?

    Virgin No. 52: Not now, I’m on my BlackBerry.

    Virgin No. 53: I love it when you put on your pants and leave.

    Virgin No. 54: We’ve been together twenty-four hours now, and, you know, sometimes it’s O.K. to say something mildly humorous.

    Virgin No. 55: That was terrible. I should have listened to the other virgins.

    Virgin No. 56: I think I found it. Is that it? Oh. Is this it? Oh, this must be it. No?

    Virgin No. 57: It must be hot in here, because I know it’s not me.

    Virgin No. 58: Those are my testicles.

    Virgin No. 59: Did you know that “virgin” is an anagram of Irving?

    Virgin No. 60: First “Spamalot,” then sex.

    Virgin No. 61: Great! I was hoping for circumcised.

    Virgin No. 62: Was that it?

    Virgin No. 63: Dang. George Clooney was being reckless on a motorcycle, but instead I got you.

    Virgin No. 64: Tonight, I become a woman. But until then you can call me Bob.

    Virgin No. 65: They’re called “adult diapers.” Why?

    Virgin No. 66: We could do it here for free, or on a stage in Düsseldorf for money.

    Virgin No. 67: I’m just Virgin No. 67 to you, right?

    Virgin No. 68: Pee-yoo. Are you wearing Aramis?

    Virgin No. 69: Condom, please.

    Virgin No. 70: My name is Mother Teresa.

    Virgin No. 71: I’m not very good at this, but let’s start with the Reverse Lotus Blossom.

    Virgin No. 72: It was paradise, until you showed up.


    Virgin No. 34: I’ll betcha you can’t get an erection. Go on, impress me. C’mon, show me. Show me, big shot.

  2. #2
    Entró a Lé Foro desde
    agosto-2006
    Babosadas escritas
    7,878


    +1 Galleta |

    Predeterminado


  3. #3
    Entró a Lé Foro desde
    agosto-2006
    Vengo de
    con =tujefa
    Babosadas escritas
    1,553


    +1 Galleta |

    Predeterminado

    No entendi el tema pero este es chido

    Virgin No. 51: What do you mean, “move a little”?

  4. #4
    Entró a Lé Foro desde
    agosto-2006
    Vengo de
    comprar tamales
    Babosadas escritas
    8,409


    +1 Galleta |

    Predeterminado

    Virgin No. 58: Those are my testicles.

  5. #5
    Entró a Lé Foro desde
    diciembre-2006
    Vengo de
    chingarme a tu jefa, compa, por verme
    Babosadas escritas
    1,437


    +1 Galleta |

    Predeterminado

    No le entiendo... ¿se supone que son palabras que dicen l@s vírgenes cuando tienen sexo por primera vez o cuándo hablan de él?

  6. #6
    Entró a Lé Foro desde
    agosto-2006
    Vengo de
    Atrapar al colibrí
    Babosadas escritas
    3,574


    +1 Galleta |

    Predeterminado

    A mi me gustó este.

    Virgin No. 31: Hi, cowboy. I just rode down from Brokeback Mountain.

  7. #7
    Entró a Lé Foro desde
    agosto-2006
    Vengo de
    ser sodomizado x tu jefa
    Babosadas escritas
    2,334


    +1 Galleta |

    Predeterminado

    Deberían de usarlo de eslogan del palacio o algo así

  8. #8
    Entró a Lé Foro desde
    agosto-2006
    Vengo de
    Lemuria
    Babosadas escritas
    7,160


    +1 Galleta |

    Predeterminado

    Si alguien encuentra un video de Steve Martin cantando la del rey Tut,le doy un galletazo

  9. #9
    Entró a Lé Foro desde
    agosto-2006
    Babosadas escritas
    30,684
    Blog Entries
    2


    +1 Galleta |

    Predeterminado

    :. eldorianes nos quiso impresionar diciendo: Ver post
    No le entiendo... ¿se supone que son palabras que dicen l@s vírgenes cuando tienen sexo por primera vez o cuándo hablan de él?
    Dear Dr. Progressive,

    My name is Martin M. Bodek and my web site is http://www.martinbodek.com/. I have 72 Questions on the 72 Virgins that Muslims are rewarded with in heaven if they die in holy war. Could you please answer these questions for me?

    Sincerely,
    Martin M. Bodek

    (P.S. These questions are rated "R" for highly suggestive language and evocative imagery)

    1) What if the bomber wants girls with more experience?
    2) What if one virgin is no good in bed? Does she get replaced or is he stuck with 71?
    3) If he's gay, does he get male virgins?
    4) What if he's celibate? What does he get?
    5) What if he hasn't reached puberty yet? Does he get 72 Xboxes till he comes of age?
    6) If he's bi, does he get 36 of each?
    7) If he blows himself up while building the bomb, does he still get credit?
    8) What do you call a relationship with 72 women, a menage-a-soixante-deux?
    9) Are they like 72 wives or 1 wife and 71 concubines?
    10) What if he's ugly or smells bad and the virgins don't want anything to do with him?
    11) Is there viagra in paradise? Ya know, just in case?
    12) Is there an age of consent?
    13) When they're deflowered, do they get replaced by new virgins or are they "born again"?
    14) Do they become his common-law wives eventually?
    15) If he has a tryst with a 73rd virgin, do the others consider it cheating?
    16) Do the virgins have a union? If so, can they strike if they're not satisfied?
    17) Is there a temp agency that replaces virgins if they call in sick?
    18) What if the bomber's into animals? Does he get accommodated?
    19) Why 72? Is 71 too few? Is 73 too many?
    20) If it was a female bomber, how do the male virgins prove their virginity?
    21) What happens when paradise runs out of virgins?
    22) Can a bomber make reservations on specific virgins before he blows himself up?
    23) If there are no virgins available, is he put on a waiting list?
    24) If he's a catholic priest, does he get 72 little boys?
    25) Would you call a female bomber a bombshell?
    26) Would you call a child bomber a bombino?
    27) Is it not 73 out of respect for Barry Bond's home run record?
    28) If the bomber previously dated one of the virgins, does it get awkward?
    29) Do they have a bomb squad in paradise just in case one of the charges didn't go off?
    30) Did they start using female bombers because they ran out of virgins for the guys?
    31) If she's a lesbian, do they "convert" the virgins, or will straight girls suffice her?
    32) Does a hermaphrodite bomber get hermaphrodite virgins?
    33) If so, are there 72 available?
    34) If they run out of virgins, do they get inflatable dolls till they find more?
    35) If a bomber finds an infidel in paradise, can he blow him up and get 72 more virgins?
    36) Could the Koran have had a typo and it actually provided just one 72 year old virgin?
    37) Is Muslim hell being one of the 72 virgins?
    38) Instead of 72 guys, would a female bomber settle for 1 man who does dishes and garbage?
    39) Do the bombers go broke on Valentine's Day?
    40) If he's monogamous, does he pick one of the 72 or does he get a supermodel?
    41) What if he doesn't like either gender? Does he just klutz around in paradise?
    42) Eternity is long, and eventually he'll grow bored of his 72 women. What happens then?
    43) How does he pick the 72 to begin with? Lottery? Beauty pageant? Police lineup?
    44) Is he allowed to covet his neighbor's virgins?
    45) Do the virgins have agents and/or contracts?
    46) If so, can a virgin request to be traded or put on waivers if she's unhappy?
    47) What should he say if one of the virgins asks "Does this Burka make me look fat?"
    48) If he gives the wrong answer, is he uh, screwed?
    49) How is anyone expected to handle a catfight amongst 72 women?
    50) Did the 9/11 hijackers who didn't know they were going to die get 72 virgins too?
    51) Are scouts employed to find virgin talent?
    52) Do the virgins ever retire, or do they remain virgins forever?
    53) If they retire, what kind of pension plan do they get?
    54) Wouldn't it be interesting if they're virgins because they're ugly?
    55) So is it 72 Muslim girls or like 1 virgin from every culture?
    56) Wouldn't it be sweet if Lorena Bobbit got hired as one of the virgins?
    57) What does Gloria Steinem have to say about all this?
    58) When he gets home, does he have to say "How was your day?" to all 72 virgins?
    59) Do they have counseling for sexual addiction in paradise?
    60) If the virgins start hogging the remote, is he in hell?
    61) They must take up an entire theater when they go to the movies, huh?
    62) Are there restaurants in paradise that can accommodate a reservation for 73?
    63) If a virgin suffers from multiple personalities, is she considered two virgins?
    64) Does he get all the virgins at once, or do they have an installment plan?
    65) Is the bomber entitled to subsitutes, exchanges, or refunds?
    66) What if all the king's horses and all the king's men can't put the bomber together again?
    67) Is "not tonight, dear, I have a headache" a valid excuse in paradise?
    68) Do the virgins come with a warranty?
    69) If so, does paradise replace defective parts and provide on-site service?
    70) What do you call a lifetime warranty if you're dead?
    71) Do siamese twin bombers get 144 virgins?
    72) Who gets to clean up all those nasty sheets?

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